Despair and Repair
by UnknownVigilante
Summary: Depressed!Stiles has become secluded and reclusive, but he has found a way to deal with his pain. But once Derek realises something is going on, can he do anything to help? Ahmm probably might lead into a Sterek fic, if you're into that, but could end up just Derek being the hometown hero. we'll see where it goes. TW: depression TW: self harm
1. Chapter 1

Stiles hadn't seen anyone in two weeks, he has a 'chest infection' he had told them. He just wanted time to recover and he'd see them soon, but this was a lie. He was ignoring them, he wanted to be left alone. He was fed up being a nuisance to them, only coming in useful when they needed information from the files in the Sheriff's office. Well he was done holding them back, he just let them get on with it. Stiles felt like he'd been getting in the way now for the last few problems they dealt with in beacon falls. Who was he to help, he was a mere human. He'd let them down or kept them back by getting hurt in some way and obviously he couldn't heal like they could. He felt like their pet, someone they had to look out for whenever they were doing the 'protect the city' thing. And stiles couldn't deal with it anymore. These two weeks hadn't been easy mind you, he did miss them but he thought it was ultimately for the greater good. And he was lying to his dad too, he was pretending he was still going to school, his dad was on night duties and didn't know any better. In home and asleep before Stiles would normally leave for and still asleep by the time he would have returned from school. He just made sure to be extra quiet, which was easy I guess, he just moped in bed all day. Days were bad, but evenings were worse, he'd get up and pretend like he was okay, he'd make dinner and pretend to do his homework, putting on a charade for his dad. His dad would go ballistic if he knew. Nights though, nights were the worst of all. After the sheriff would leave for his shift, stiles would sit all alone in their empty home, hoping that maybe someone might just call to check up on him, but that was wishful thinking. He hadn't heard from anyone after the first few days of being off, he told them he needed a few days, that he didn't have wolfy healing powers or anything and they accepted that. But you'd think that they'd have realised they hadn't seen him in 2 weeks. He decided to call it early tonight, maybe tomorrow he'd get up and decide the 'Stiles Hiatus' was over. He went through his now normal routine, he made himself a warm cup of camomile tea, it was healthy, he tried to get his dad to drink it instead of all the coffee but it didn't happen. After this he would tidy the kitchen, go get washed and settle into bed for the night. But tonight it wouldn't go like that. He finished his tea and went to the kitchen to start clearing up; he stacked all the dishes by the sink, cleared all the clutter and wiped down the surfaces. He filled the sink with warm water and started washing, this was normal, he would do the cooking and cleaning for his dad, he didn't mind, especially now, this was all he had to do all day. His hands were wet, the glass slipped, it smashed on the edge of the sink. Shards went everywhere; on the floor, on the counter, into the sink itself. Great, more of a mess to clear up. He was glad he had his shoes on or negotiating around would have been a problem, he cleared all the visible pieces from the floor and the worktop all that was left was the sink. He reached his hand in carefully, not being able to see through the soapy water. He got the plug out and the water started to drain. He felt a sharp scratch on the side of his wrist. Shit. It was bleeding, but it wasn't bad, he got a cloth and applied pressure for a little while, it was all good. He carefully, more so than before, cleared the glass from the sink using a dustpan and got round to finishing the dishes. The hassle was over now; it added a little excitement to his day. Stiles got out of the shower and towelled himself down. When he dried his right arm, he felt the pain in his wrist, it wasn't a bad pain, just enough to know that it was there without being unbearable. Huh, oh well, hopefully it doesn't scar. He finished getting dressed, he pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for bed and of he went. The usual thoughts crept through his mind as he lay there in the darkened room, it was still a little light outside but stiles pulled the blinds shut, shutting out the last of the light the sun had to offer today. They obviously don't need me. They've clearly gotten along fine without me this last fortnight. They didn't even care enough to check in. Seriously why didn't they just tell me to get lost before? All I ever did was hold them back. I'm so stupid for not seeing it before. Thoughts like this turned through his head every night as he tossed and turned trying to let sleep take over. As he rolled over he could feel the pain again in his arm. It hurt more this time as there was more pressure on it. It felt good in a weird way to Stiles. He was always getting hurt doing jobs with the pack, a trip here, a stumble there, a cut here and scratch there, it was normal and he could cope with the pain well. I guess this a familiar sensation for him, having not been out in weeks. He pressed hard until he finally drifted to sleep. That night he got the best sleep he did in a long time, it wasn't riddled with nightmares or waking up randomly for no reason, it was sound sleep. He woke up feeling good for the first time in as long as he could remember. Maybe he would go back to school today. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry for not posting all week, just bad week with being ill and sick and stuff. Sorry about that. Also I don't really know how this story is going to go, so I'm just going to write each chapter with whatever come to mind and see where that gets me. Also I've been distracted all day with f1 so sorry about that. I promise I will do a better job at this update thing.  
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Stiles went through his normal morning routine. It was the only consistency he now had from the days he still went to school, but it was just a facade so his dad would think he was going to school. But he had a good night's sleep last night and woke up feeling pretty great, well compared to how he normally felt these days.

His dad came in when he was eating breakfast, "morning kiddo". Stiles seized the chance, if he was going back to school he was going to need a note explaining his absence. "Hey dad, can you write me a note, I was late yesterday, car wouldn't start." Stiles knew the sheriff would believe him, "aw, yea sure" he was tired, Stiles could tell, "You write and I'll sign it, will that do?" The Sheriff asked yawning, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his notebook, Stiles had hoped he would do this, last time when he was sick he had to write his own note then too, "here," he handed Stiles a piece of paper with his name scribbled on the bottom, "is that okay? It was a long night son so I'm going to go on to bed, if you need me I'll be upstairs" he mumbled, "thanks dad" "have a good day, kiddo". Stiles hoped it would be a good day.

After tidying up the kitchen he made to leave when his dad called down to him, telling him that he had to go to work earlier today for some case tribunal so he probably wouldn't see him again until tomorrow morning. This was okay with Stiles, he didn't see his dad much, but he didn't mind. His dad was doing his best to provide for the pair of them and if he was at work he was preoccupied and wouldn't be drinking. Yes he would have liked to see his dad a little more but he didn't have daddy issues, work was what kept the sheriff sane.

When Stiles got to school he instantly regretted it. Any good feelings he had had earlier had left all alone and hopeless again. He sat there in his jeep just watching the people around him, watching them getting out of their cars or running to greet their friends or gathering by the door to share their nonsense gossip. _Why do I put up with all this bullshit_ he thought to himself, he would've much rather have been or gone anywhere else in that instant but he decided that since he was there that he would just suck it up and endure the day.

It wasn't long before he saw Scott, he didn't really want to talk to him, he didn't know what to say really. "Hey Stiles! Stiles, hey man" Stiles pretended he couldn't hear him, it was plausible there were loads of people around. He kept walking, he didn't know where he was going but he knew he wanted to be left alone. It was not to be, he felt a hand on his shoulder, "hey Stiles I was calling you" Scott exclaimed "Oh, sorry didn't hear" he replied, _Shit old me wouldn't have apologised_ "not everyone has wolf ears like you" he tried mustering a smile. "Where you been anyway?" Scott inquired, Stiles hadn't thought this through, he could lie through his teeth to the school's office as long as what he said matched the note he wrote earlier. But lying to Scott was a bigger problem, not only could Scott hear any slight changes in his heart rate or his tone of voice but Stiles had to think it through, he had to think of something that was bad enough to stay home for two weeks, but not sick enough to be in the hospital or else Scott would know something was up. If Stiles had been in the hospital, Melissa would have seen him and told Scott. "Home sick, bad chest" He kept it vague, he moved on quickly "Did I miss much, class wise? Pack wise? Anything" He really didn't care what he missed but he thought it would draw Scott off of the subject of him being off. He didn't really care to listen to Scott either, but from his babble he took it that nothing much had happened in school, well nothing worth taking note off and also nothing major was happening in the supernatural realm of Beacon Falls either, they dealt with an Omega that was wreaking havoc in the forest, but it was done with so no big deal. "Hey I've gotta go to the office, see ya" Stiles interrupted Scott who was still talking "yeah man."

Stiles went to the office to sort out his absence, he knew his days at home were over for a while at least, or they'd ring home if he was off again. He ruffled through his pockets trying to find the note when it happened. It was a sudden sharp pain to his finger, _fuck sake seriously why_, a paper cut, always the worst. Anyway he gave his note to the girl at the desk explained he was sick and went to go his locker. It wasn't until he was there that he realised his finger was now bleeding, he applied pressure to try and stave it, but it hurt. But like the accident in the kitchen the pain wasn't bad, it was a weird sensation to him, because it did hurt, but he couldn't explain it, it just felt good to him.

The rest of the day was mostly uneventful, he caught up with everyone at various stages and they all asked about him "are you okay?" or "where've you been?" but to him he felt like they didn't really care, that they were only inquiring out of common courtesy, because they felt it was obligatory. _What does it matter to them where I was anyway, I was holding them back, getting in the way or anything, maybe I should just stay away for good, they'd all benefit from that._ These nasty thoughts filled his head as he went to his jeep. He didn't want to go home, nit yet, but he definitely did not want to stay here. He just got into his car and sat there.

A/N: Yea sorry if this is bad, it was kinda rushed so that it would be updated today and also I'm just new at this so yea, any feedback would be brilliant, also any ideas for the story that you would like to happen, anything would be much appreciated. I will update more recently.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hope you guys are all liking the story, hopeful it gets better, I can't seem to write it at a fast pace, it seems to be dragging out so I do apologise but yea, it should pick up soon or else be a total blow, who knows?

Stiles decided he'd go to the forest, to that place by the river where he took Scott when he was hung up with Allison. It would be peaceful there and he'd be left alone, just what he wanted. Now that he had left the house for the first time in ages he wasn't much fussed on the idea of going back. Just not in the next while anyway, his dad had to go in to work early so he didn't have him to worry about. Not waiting much longer he decided to go, nearly everyone had cleared from the car park, he had half hoped that someone would come speak to him at the end of the day but no one did. But who was he kidding, why would they want to speak to him anyway.

This negativity was now engulfing all of Stiles' thoughts; he was in a bad place and needed help. If only he realised this. He had two weeks suffering by himself and it wasn't doing any good, and no one was any the wiser.

He left his jeep at the main opening of the forest, deciding to leave everything there, he wouldn't need his phone anyway and if it was too cold he could come back and get his jacket. He trekked to where he wanted to go, it wasn't a hard trail to follow but he just didn't have the energy, he was stumbling over branches but he just didn't care. It wasn't far to go and once he got there he plopped himself down on the ground. He was happy to just sit there and rest for a bit. The sleep he had got was good, but not good enough, it didn't make up for the lack of it he had for the previous couple of weeks.

The trickling of the stream a few metres away was soothing, it allowed Stiles to relax he tried to clear his mind. _What am I going to do? I can't tell everyone that I've given up, that I'm not 'helping' them anymore, they wonder why, wonder what's up. But I can't risk it anymore, they've risked too much already keeping me involved, there is no way it can continue, it's too dangerous, I can't risk it._ Stiles blamed himself for everything that went wrong in the pack, not that it was ever his fault, not really, but to him he was just the human, the liable, with no strength, no speed or no super senses. _I'm just a distraction to them, like a pet, something they have to take care off, how can they even concentrate on a case when they have to worry about poor little Stiles. Not that they'd even care if something happened, they'd probably be glad. The only problem would be the Argents, they'd use an incident as an excuse to start hunting again. So even if I did and they were rid of me, I'd still put them in danger. The only option is to give up, but I just can't quit, they'd wonder why, they'd want a reason. I just have to come up with something good. Something believable, something they would have to accept._ Stiles' mind was now racing, he was so deep in thought he didn't realise he was starting to get cold. Winter was nearly over but it was still bitter in the evenings. But he was too preoccupied to even notice.

When he snapped out of his trance, it didn't seem like he had been there that long but he was immediately aware that the sky above him was now a sheet of darkness, prohibiting him from seeing not very much at all. Immediately he was aware that he was also really cold, shivering quite violently, the rock he was now sitting on was acting as a heat sink to any warmth he may have had. He got up to go back to his car when he realised a major problem, he could barely see around him and it would only get worse, at the minute he was in a sort of clearing by the river and could use the little light from the moon to see around him, but as soon as he was under the trees he would have nothing to guide him. _Dammit Stiles, if only you took the bite when Peter offered it to you. You wouldn't be stuck in this situation. You would be a valued member of the group and you definitely wouldn't be stuck out here all alone. Way to go, dumbass._

He walked with his arms out in front of him, preventing him from walking in to any trees, he wasn't completely sure is he was following the trail but his logic told him if he walked forward and didn't bump into anything he must be on the path. It was going well, he reckoned he must be nearly at the jeep and that's when he tripped.

It all happened so quickly, one second he was walking forward and the next he was on the forest floor. He hit his head hard on a branch on the way down, it hurt but he felt okay. He lay there for a moment trying to regain composure and then he tried to get up. His sudden movement made him feel all woozy. 'Eugggghhhh' was all he could manage. He tried again to get up, only this time he did it slowly, he got into a kneeling position first, his head was banging and he wanted nothing more than to just curl up there but he had to get home. He crawled to the nearest tree he could find, it was still too dark to see, holding on to it he tried to get up. He was on his feet but he couldn't support himself, he tumbled back to the floor.

_Fuck this is it, this is how it's going to end. I'm going to freeze to death in the forest, no one will realise I'm gone until the morning, not until dad gets home. If he even notices, he might think I've gone to school early, no one will notice. Oh well, at least I won't be a nuisance to anyone anymore._ And with that Stiles had given up, he resigned himself to just lying there, not caring about what would happen. He didn't want to give up, not really but he had. He tried to take his mind of his impending doom, he concentrated happy memories.

_Seven year old Stiles at Disney land with his parents, he loved it, he remembers chasing around trying to find the characters all day, seeing all the different lands, his mum and dad being so happy, he was so happy, he'd give anything to go back._

_Ten year old Stiles playing baseball with Scott, they both sucked but it didn't matter they were just kids having fun one afternoon in the summer. And Melissa had the day off from the hospital, she watched them from the back door delighted that they were having so much fun._

_Fifteen year old Stiles trying out for the Lacrosse team, he didn't really want to but Scott did and brothers stand by each other. He mightn't have made the team but he was on the roster, he enjoyed practice with the team, there he felt he belonged, where he was included. _

_Seventeen year old Stiles helping Scott keep his cool after he got the bite. Helping him maintain balance so he didn't wolf out and rip everyone to shreds. He felt important, Stiles mightn't have been what Scott thought off to keep him grounded but Stiles knew he couldn't have done it without him. _

The thoughts were fading as was Stiles' consciousness, the last thought that crossed his mind was the pack, he might not have been a wolf but he was still included, they were like a family, a dysfunctional one but still a family. Only Stiles ironically felt like the wolves pet.

And with that thought he drifted off into the darkness.

A/N: There might not be a chapter tomorrow as it is St. Patrick's Day and well the Irish love St. Paddy's Day ;)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter is written from Derek's narrative viewpoint, I want to give that a go so yea. If you have any ideas or suggestions let me know and reviews would be nice too. Thanks. Also this probably will be updated weekendly as my week is mostly chaotic and jammed pack so just a heads up.

_What is this?_ Derek picked up on something he wasn't quite sure he had experienced before. It felt like pain, a lot of pain, anguish really mixed with regret, _is that regret or shame or disappointment, hell knows._ He couldn't pin point the exact emotions but he knew it was a bad mix, he could tell someone was in a bad way. His hero complex kicked in, _whoever it is mustn't have left here to long ago, its dark, why were they out here in the forest anyway, _he followed the trial of emotion his wolf senses were picking up, they were leading him darker in through the shrubbery.

Derek was perplexed at what was going on, normally if he picked up anything here it was like death or agony of a wild animal or something, or of a victim of the latest supernatural happenings in Beacon Falls. He soon found the causer of dark emotion he had sensed and this realisation caused him to feel some anguish too.

"Stiles! Stiles! God dammit Stiles wake up!" In a panic at finding the boy, Derek was at a loss of what to do. He worked out Stiles had hit his head, and that he must have hit it hard, the tangy iron smell of blood was strong and a red stream had dried on his face. "Stiles! Stiles! Can you hear me? Stiles, _please_ Stiles!" He remained unresponsive, Derek didn't know what to do, he tried to shake him a little but to his dismay it did nothing.

_Crap Stiles what have you done, what happened to you? What I'm I going to do? Shit. Fuck. Derek think, you have to do something, come on._

Derek picked the boy up, scooping him up into his arms, he only now realised how cold Stiles was, the night was cold alright but Derek doesn't normally realise these sorts of things. He carried on down the path he assumed Stiles had been following before whatever this was happened. He held him close hoping some of his heat would radiate to the boy. He was running now, hoping that he hadn't found him too late.

He saw Stiles' blue jeep up ahead, he didn't really like the car but right now it was a godsend. He quickly got Stiles into the passenger side and the engine started so the heating would come on. He found Stiles' jacket in the back and wrapped it around him. In the light of the car he could see the extent of his injuries, he had a gash to the side of the head but it didn't look too deep, and the boy had started shivering now. Shivering was a good sign, it meant his body wanted to fight to heat up.

Derek got in the car and started driving he didn't know where to go, to take him to the hospital or to take him to Scott's he knew Melissa was off tonight and she could help. He keep driving, they were both in the same initial direction anyway. Derek kept talking to the boy as he was driving hoping he would get a response. And just before he got in to town he did.

"Da…d" he mumbled hoarsely "I'm …sor…ry"  
"Stiles! Stiles! You're okay, you're gonna be okay, I've got you, I'm gonna get you help" Derek spat out.

_Thank God Stiles, you had me worried._ Derek so wanted to ask him what had happened but he knew this wasn't the time, Stiles was sleeping in and out of consciousness, he needed help, he needed a doctor. Derek went ninety until he was at the hospital, he was determined, Stiles mightn't have been a wolf but in Derek's eyes he was still a member of the pack.

_Stiles, where've you been recently, _it dawned on Derek that he hadn't actually seen Stiles in ages, _why haven't you been at pack meetings, fuck Derek you are a complete jackass, how did you not even realise you hadn't seen him in so long, yea he was sick but he wasn't sick this long, he couldn't have been, could he?_

When he got to the hospital he wasted no time in getting Stiles in, he practically knocked people out of his way, Stiles' vulnerability was something Derek didn't really concern himself with, Stiles was in more danger being human, yes, but would he listen if anyone told him he can't help because of it, no he wouldn't.

The nurses got Stile's on to a trolley and he was taken to side room to get seen too. Derek knew Stiles was in good hands here, but he knew Stiles was hurt, not just physically, but emotionally, the strong negative emotion that lead Derek to him was evidence enough of that. Derek didn't know what to do, but he didn't have to deal with that now, he had to be helped medically for the superficial injuries first then he could sort something else out later.

Derek phoned Scott to let him know and before long he and Melissa were at the hospital too. He was glad Melissa came with Scott, it would be a greater comfort to the Sheriff when he got there and he'd probably take the news better from here anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry it's been so long, but with school, exams and a visit to the hospital I haven't had much time to write so sorry.

Stiles was glad to be getting home. The last few nights in the hospital were unbearable for him, the constant company surrounding him, with all the doctors, nurses, patients and visitors in the hospital he couldn't really get a minute to himself. It was a precaution they said, to keep him in until his concussion cleared, from the accident. He tripped in the woods, they told him, he didn't remember it, he didn't remember being in the woods at all, the last thing he remembered was anguish he felt leaving school, anything after that was a blank.

Anyway he was going home now, where he could be left completely alone once his dad went to work. He had come by to pick Stiles up during his break so he wouldn't be staying too long at home afterwards. Most of the car journey they sat in silence, it was the sheriff who spoke first "you're okay? Aren't you son?" he asked taking Stiles by surprise,

"Yea, they said my heads fine, just need to go back in a week to get the stitches taken out, so yea I'm fine" there was a moment's pause,

"No, other than that, you tell me if something was wrong, right?" Stiles wasn't sure what he was getting at,

"Yea I'm fine dad, why, is there something wrong?"

"No, no, it's just…" the sheriff paused to choose his words carefully "just you were alone in the forest that's all, normally you're with Scott." He left it there, he had noticed how his son had secluded himself in the last couple of weeks but he didn't mention it, if Stiles didn't want to talk about it then he wouldn't.

"Oh right, yeah, it's just I wanted to go for a walk to clear my head, I was stressing out over some dumb project at school, and after I got home I just decided a walk would clear my mind, but then I tripped, and then it literally cleared my mind" Stiles smiled, trying to make a joke of the situation, trying to lighten the mood. It worked, his dad smirked at him, "Ha ha, very funny, well just don't do it okay, son?" Stiles knew his dad worried about him enough already, he didn't want to add another reason to, "Yea, I'll stick to the buddy system from now on."

They were both smiling as the patrol car pulled into the drive way, their witty banter continued until they were home. Stiles grabbed his stuff and went inside to the familiar settings he never thought he would miss, the sheriff followed behind him but hovered at the door, "I've gotta get back to work now, but maybe you should give Scott a call, let him know you're home" "will do dad, be safe" "see ya kiddo." And with that he left.

Stiles went and put his phone on charge, it died shortly after he got to the hospital and his dad didn't know where the charger was so he couldn't bring it to him. After a few minutes it had enough power so he switched it on but left it down there so he could go grab something to eat, he left just after dinner time at the hospital but he didn't eat his knowing that he could make something that tasted much better as soon as he got home. He started on a vegetable stir fry when he heard his phone bleep in the other room.

It had fully powered up now, so he went and texted Scott, 'Hey dude, got out of the hospital today, just letting you, everything's fine.' Sent. Stiles didn't expect to get a reply from him so he went back to making dinner. It was once it was just about ready it occurred to him that it was Derek that saved him, he still didn't remember what happened but they told him it was Derek who brought him to the hospital. _I'll text him later_.

Stiles sat down to his dinner and as he ate he tried to remember what happened, to fill the void in his memory, he remembered sitting in his car after school, he knew he drove it to the forest and got out because Derek found him and took him to his car and then to the hospital. He knew it was late when he found him, it was dark out. Suddenly Stiles remembered it being dark, he remembered trying to get to his jeep but he couldn't see, he tried to follow a path, then there was pain, he was on the ground. He remembered tripping, he remembered feeling mega pissed at the world seconds before then the pain to the side of his head. He touched it with his hands, the pain still there, there now where he had 11 stitches. _Well that makes sense_.

He could remember before that now too, the stream and the cold rocks, the moon bright in the darkened sky above the clearing, the anger that had pitted itself in his stomach, more than anger, emptiness. It all came back in a tidal wave of emotion, he felt just like he did that night now, maybe even worse. His friends had abandoned him, well in Stiles' eyes they had. Even when he was in hospital, they came and saw him the day after he had been admitted, they came after school. Scott must have told them, he saw him the night before, _Derek called him, so I guess he had to come._

_Derek, why did he even help me, he should have just left me there, would have been better for everyone if he had. Wouldn't have to deal with me anymore if had just left me._

Stiles' mind started spiralling, he was getting angrier and angrier, he cleaned the kitchen in a furious manner, taking his frustration out on the food stuck to the pan. And once the kitchen was cleaned he moved on to the laundry loading the washing machine with brute force. Stiles went from room to room tidying up clutter and putting things away until he was in his own room, little did he realise that he was now calm again, cleaning had that effect on him, allowing him some control over his surroundings.

It was early, but he had decided to just go to bed. Hopefully he'd get some sort of sleep being back in his own bed and anyway he didn't really fancy doing anything else. He went back stairs to grab his phone, he always kept it next to his bed when he slept, in case there was an emergency.

He decided to text Derek to thank him for his help, even if wasn't sure if he was actually thankful. 'Hey man, thanks for taking me to the hospital, I owe you one.' People normally say I owe you one in situations like this, Stiles thought it was fitting, even if he knew Derek would never be in the same situation and only have Stiles for help. But he sent it anyway and settled in to bed hoping for sleep to wash over him soon.


End file.
